Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
