Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
