New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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