I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
