woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
