He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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