Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize