he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
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