so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
