I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
