the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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