kristin has been a bad kristin
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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