OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
