I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize