When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
