I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
