I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
