Im at strip club and am horny
Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
