New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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