I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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