I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
