Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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