sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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