I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
