Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
