You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
