i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
