I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
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