remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
