She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
