So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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