She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
