She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
