your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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