"it" just moved
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
