Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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