Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize