Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Randomize
