Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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