I'm eating all of the evidence.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
