Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
