it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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