i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I look excited, but its just a facade.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
