a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
