I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
