i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
