Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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