I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
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