It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
