he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
