She said her name was "party"
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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