apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
