honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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