I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
