i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
