Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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