So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
