If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize