Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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