Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
my being single is dangerous.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
