All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
