Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
