My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
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