i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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