I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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