If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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