Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
