I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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