Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
