he thought i was a dude.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Randomize
