It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
