Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Randomize
