Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
