Yo dont text me then not text me
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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