I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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