I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
