Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
This is my gift to your gina
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
